Dead end signs: If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you’re struggling and unsure if you’re going to make it through, or if it’s even a healthy relationship, please read this article.
I’m agitated that I even have to write this article because, typically, the women who struggle most with these questions are usually the sweetest, kindest, most loving, giving women out there.
They’re the ones who are so good at appreciating and giving the benefit of the doubt and just really caring and loving for someone.
Time and time again, they’re not receiving and getting the same reciprocation of love and giving back.
So they’re left asking the questions:
Is the relationship over?
How do I save a relationship at the dead-end sign?
If any of this resonates, you’re going to want to read this article.
I’m going to dive deep on six dead-end signs that your relationship is over, and also what you need to do about it.
Let’s jump right in.
Sign #1 There are More Withdrawals Than Deposits Into One Another’s Emotional Bank Account
The first sign that your relationship may be over is if, in general, in your relationship, each of you, there are more withdrawals than deposits into one another’s emotional bank account.
Now it’s self-explanatory, but a deposit is when we’re adding some value, some feel-good emotion, we’re complementing, we’re giving, we’re doing things for the other person, we’re making them feel good, we’re trying to be helpful in kind and loving; it’s a deposit.
You give someone a flower; it’s a deposit.
You say a compliment; it’s a deposit.
You ask for money literally; it’s a withdrawal.
You ask for favors; it’s a withdrawal.
You criticize someone; it’s a withdrawal.
It’s about adding value versus taking value.
Now sometimes withdrawals are good things if you ask for a favor from someone that you care about.
It’s a little bit of dependence, connectedness, you’re asking for something healthy that’s normal.
However, you need to balance withdrawals with deposits, and typically I believe it was Dr. John Gottman did studies, and he said that five deposits for every one withdrawal are the minimum for a healthy loving relationship.
So if you’re making way more withdrawals back and forth instead of deposits, it’s a good sign that something is not working, and it could be the end of your relationship.
It’s not worth it if you both are withdrawing from each other the entire time, that is the dead-end sign.
Sign #2 If He Did Something Very Harmful Or Hurtful And He Shows No Remorse
Now the second sign that your relationship may be over is if he did something very harmful or hurtful, and he shows no remorse.
Maybe he said something that wasn’t nice, maybe there was infidelity, and he doesn’t show any remorse for it.
He may even blame you, and if this is the case if your guy is harming you, is doing things, that is not nice, that is not considered, that are significant withdrawals, and he doesn’t have any bad feelings about; it doesn’t even feel bad no remorse.
That is not a good sign because this is someone who should be in your corner who should want to be your partner and if he’s hurting you knowingly, it doesn’t feel bad about it;
What does that say about your partner?
What does that say about the guy who supposed to support, take care of you the same way you’re supposed to do to him?
If you’re not on his side, if you would harm him without any feelings of remorse, then are you the best partner for him?
It’s self-explanatory, but sometimes it’s hard to get that perspective when we’re in it, and we need some outside perspective, and that’s what I’m here.
Sign #3 Your Partner Has Zero Desire To Make The Relationship Better
The third sign it’s kind of an extension to the second is if things aren’t going well, maybe there are more withdrawals; perhaps there’s been some harm.
You’re doing everything you can to try to work on it; you want to focus on bringing the relationship back to a healthy relationship.
That’s your focus; what can we do? How can we be proactive? How can we go to therapy? Get a coach to try something different.
If you’re focused on the solution, and your partner has zero desire to work things through, to go to a therapist, try something new basically to try to make the relationship better.
And if all he’s doing is blaming you, or not putting in the time or energy, then that’s a good sign that nothing’s going to change.
Okay, if a guy is telling you something, believe him, and if he’s telling you that he’s not interested in making the relationship better understand him, that’s important.
Sign #4 May Be Over Maybe You’re Not Spending Any Quality Time Together
The fourth sign the relationship may be over maybe you’re not spending any quality time together.
If you don’t see him, he is living out of your location for work or some other reason.
If you’re not spending quality of time with one another, if you barely see each other, that’s a good sign that the relationship is over.
Now maybe it’s a temporary thing okay that’s understandable; it doesn’t mean your relationship is over.
But if this is a pattern where you’re not able to spend in-person heart-to-heart time, then what are we doing? Like, are we, is this even a relationship? How is this helpful? How is this healthy?
Most of the significant challenges that I’ve seen in terms of infidelity or living with someone who’s living a lie, and you don’t even know the other person stems, from not spending a lot of quality time with one another.
So that is a significant one that you are spending, not just time but the quality time where you’re able to talk, listen, and hear about the other person’s life, dreams, and experiences.
All of those things very important.
Sign #5 The Relationship Is Putting You In Position To Be Harmed
I think that putting you in a position to be harmed could be much more empowering for you to realize that it’s yourself that is putting you in these harmful situations by staying with him.
A harmful situation could mean that maybe you don’t know anything about the finances, perhaps he is in complete control overpaying your mortgage or your rent, and you don’t know what’s going on with it.
Well, if this is your home and you are just expecting someone to take care of something, and you have no knowledge of it, no insight that’s only one situation where you’re completely powerless.
You have no idea what’s going on with the finances.
Another is if he is doing something harmful maybe he gets physically violent or even perhaps when you’re driving in the car with him, road-raging and putting you and possibly your child or children in a situation that’s dangerous or maybe he has very sketchy people coming over to the house that you know his friends and social circle you don’t trust.
Whatever it is when you’re connected with him if you find that there are potential ramifications from you being in the relationship and if you choose to stay in it, then you are putting yourself in a position to be harmed.
And you have to ask yourself the question like how much longer am I willing to put myself in this situation or is it a dead-end sign.
Sign #6 He’s Keeping You Away From The Very People That You Love And Who Love You
The sixth sign that your relationship might be over is if he’s keeping you away from the very people that you love and who love you.
If he doesn’t like your friends, family whatever it is, where he is pushing you away from the people that have been the healthiest for you, and if he’s trying to distance you or put you up against them, that is a red flag.
He should want you to surround yourself with people that you love and with people that love you.
If your friends and family are harming you and if you believe that he’s trying to protect you and he’s trying to be helpful, that’s one thing.
But if you don’t understand his reasoning and if he’s trying to keep you separate or if he’s trying to be controlling, that is unhelpful.
That’s a very scary red flag that he is trying to control you negatively, and the relationship should end at that point.
Final Words: Dead End Signs
He’s not looking at you like a partner, he doesn’t honestly care genuinely about you, and what happens to you, he is ultimately going to stay self-centered unless you hold the standards and boundaries.
I encourage you to take action to hold your standards high to get out of on any unhealthy relationships and to move forward to treating yourself with love the value the consideration that you deserve.
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